Of Fathers and Faith by Susan V

Father’s Day is just ahead, and for more than 150 million Americans whose fathers have died, it will be a day of missing Dad. Father’s Day can be a traumatic day for those of us whose fathers who have died and the anticipation of the day is often as difficult - or even more difficult - than the holiday itself. Whether it’s been recent or many years since Dad passed away, we have to somehow get through the day as well as remember and honor Dad’s life.

When John Pete ask me to write a blog on how my faith is challenged, restored or reinforced as related to losses in our lives he forgot one thing, “how my faith was created?” I have had countless sleepless nights struggling over this blog and I am being moved out of my comfort zone. I can hear God saying “Susan, let me hear you say it”. My relationship with God is very personal to me. Oh, I will say to people, “I will keep you in my prayers” but that is about it. I had a extremely rough childhood by the hands of my mother and I was brought up in a home where I was never introduced to God. So as a young child, a young woman and eventually a young mother with her hands full I did not need God nor did I have time for him. My best friend Sharon visited a church that she just fell in love with and had being asking me to go to church and I would just brush her off and told her I did not have time for church. Sharon would not let up, for two weeks she was in my face and she would not let up. Till finally she did the ultimate, she dared me to come to church for the first time, she even double dogged dared me. So on the first Sunday, December 2001, I walked thru the doors of The Village Church and it changed my life. It was perfect for me, very low key, not to many rules, except to extend Love and Grace and I became very active in my role as a church member for the last eight years. They taught me how to pray and to learn all about wonders of God at my own pace. What she did was prepare me to take my first few steps in my spiritual walk with God when I need it the most.

Dad had numerous heart attacks and strokes, some were major ones and some were minor. But through it all I knew God was there holding me up so I would be strong for Daddy. During the summer of 2005, the Doctors gave us some devastating news, “Your Father has a 5.5 aortic aneurysm and we cannot operate.” I took the Doctor aside and ask how long does he have? He said. “I am not GOD, but I predicate a year with the other health problems he has.” Time stood still at that very moment, I moved Dad in my home, I never told him he had a year to live and God never left my side.

What was to be all in God’s plan truly amazed me. I introduced Dad to God and the church for the first time and he was baptized a couple of years later at the age of 75 for that was truly a blessing for all to witness. For the next three years I lived in fear. Fear that Dad would pass at any moment, fear that I would find him, fear that each morning as I walked down the 13 steps from my bedroom to the den I would call his name, and he would have passed without loved ones around. I had a fear that his death would be a painful death with the aneurysm that grew to be a 9.2. I would ask God each day to please take him in his sleep. For the next three years God whispered in my ear of some amazing things I could do for Dad that not only pleased him but left some very special memories for me. Dad had never told us three girls that he loved us. It was just something an old country boy never said. But in March of 2008 he looked at me with tears in his eyes and told me he loved me and was proud of me for the first time in 50 years.

Dad was going downhill very fast and on Memorial Day weekend last year, the family had a 4 day vigil and we never left his side. Dad was doing great, brought people in to visit him, laughed, and joked like there was nothing wrong. He did not know for I could not tell him he was dying. What happen in those 4 days is not a blur for God made it so crystal clear I can remember the power and the feeling of his love and God made sure I was given what I needed. I got enough “I loves’ you from Daddy to last a life time, enough special memories in those four days and most important he passed from the loving arms of his family to the loving arms of God without any pain as I ask of God. The odds were against him to pass this way, but God answered my prayers.

My Daddy, J.C. Card was a World War II Veteran. He loved this country, hunting and fishing, his three girls, grandchildren, our dog Molly and he loved God. I was there as they covered him with the American Flag and took him out of my home and I was there when I heard the 21 gun salute and the faint sound of Taps and I was there as as they lowered him in the ground so I know this man’s life has cease to exist here on this earth. But I also know without a shadow of doubt that his love and presence is always with me as well as my God. I have felt their presence many times and God has allowed Daddy to come to me during the last 12 months, to feel his love and to comfort me.

I am still learning and I am still walking with God and he understands when I take the wrong path for he gently leads me back on the right road and I thank God each and every day gift of having my Daddy in my life.

Susan V.

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Susan is a moderator for the “Loss of A Parent” Group and coordinates our “Welcome Wagon” at MyGriefSpace.Net.

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The Pieta - A Mother’s Day Message

(by Rev. Charles T. Rubey)  The Pieta is on display in St. Peter’s Basilica in Rome. It is one of the more famous pieces of sculpture created by Michelangelo. It depicts Mary holding the crucified body of Jesus. This mother’s heart is broken as she views her child’s broken body. I thought of this piece of art and how appropriate it is as we celebrate Mother’s Day in May. This piece of art symbolizes mothers who are grieving the death of a child, or children grieving the death of a mother or a mother figure. The hearts of people are broken as they grieve the loss of a loved one from suicide. Michelangelo’s Pieta can certainly capture the feelings of all mothers on Mother’s Day-actually, all grieving people grieving the loss of a loved one from suicide.

During this article I am referring to one’s soul. By that I mean that part of us that has the will to live. I am using soul as that spiritual part of each and every one of us. I do not mean nor am I judging one’s soul or one’s eternal destiny. The word “soul” has different meanings and I want you to be aware of precisely what I mean. The soul is affected and that is the reason that the pain is not so apparent. One does not wear a brace around one’s soul or one does not put a cast on one’s soul. The soul is that invisible part of each and every one of us.

People grieving the death of a loved one from suicide have broken hearts because a life has gone from their midst in such a sudden and tragic way.  A broken heart results from someone’s broken soul. Their illness has destroyed the workings of their souls. Their souls, once lively and vibrant, have become engulfed in pain due to mental illness. Their vision and interpretation is that their souls are broken beyond repair and there is only one option open for them and that is to take their lives. The pain has become so intense and unbearable that these broken souls can no longer endure life any more. They leave in their wake a long line of broken hearts who are forever changed and altered.

Oftentimes people get angry or bitter because a loved one has “done this to our family”. The pain of mental illness had taken over this person’s life. They were totally consumed by this pain. They could not for moments consider what the impact of their suicide would be on their loved ones. The last days or weeks were spent being consumed with this horrible and awful pain. There was no evil intent or desire to inflict survivors with broken hearts. Those completing suicide had broken souls and this condition prevented them from comprehending the impact of their action. It is important to realize that a person completes suicide not because they want to cause their loved ones pain. They complete suicide because they have run out of steam and they are tired of this enduring pain.  There is no repairing these wounded souls. The way to escape this life of unending and excruciating pain is to complete suicide. From broken souls come broken hearts-The Pieta.

As we celebrate Mother’s Day this year, let us especially remember the mothers in our LOSS family as well as those members who are grieving the loss of a mother or grandmother. This is an especially painful day for them. Please also remember all of those people who died due to a broken soul. Let us never forget them or their struggles.

Keep On Keepin’ On!
Rev. Charles T. Rubey

Preparing To Say Goodbye and Other Challenges of the Heart

A Spiritual Connection To Our Pet Companions

Picture the humorous sight of a Golden Retriever with short, little Corgi legs and you have a glimpse of our precious Tucker, who died February 21, 2009 at age 16 1/2. Tucker was truly a ray of sunshine in our lives. She was always there to greet us at the door with her big brown trusting eyes, an enthusiastic wag of her tail, and a bark of elation as if we were returning from a long journey instead of an hour or two away from home. Little did she know that we were as eager to see her as she was to see us.

I will always remember Tucker for being very content to snuggle under the blankets with me on countless cold winter nights; and the humorous site of only a stray ear or cold nose peeking from under warm covers. I will remember her excitement in anticipation of our long daily strolls in the woods near our home. And her love of chasing rabbits by leaps and bounds in our rural backyard - and she didn’t let her short legs slow her down… I believe the term is “built low to the ground for speed.”

Tucker was so much more to us than just a pet; she was a beloved and precious family member and companion whose death has left us heartbroken. One of her favorite pastimes was indulging in a belly-up wiggle in the grass during a frequent fit of silliness that left us laughing every single time. I can still smell her sweet lingering scent, and feel the happy warmth of her presence all around. We will never-ever forget our little golden girl, and though our hearts ache today, we eagerly anticipate a time of God’s choosing when we will see her running on strong legs to greet us with those big beautiful, soulful eyes and her silly, happy smile.

My Golden Girl (John Pete)

Big beautiful brown, trusting eyes …
Soft flowing golden curls ….
Kind, gentle, knowing soul…
My beautiful, beloved Golden Girl 

 

What is the deep love and spiritual connection we develop with our pets? Is it because they are so eager to love and please their human companions? Is it the laughter and joy they bring into our lives? Is it because they often greet us with the same unbridled enthusiasm whether we are absent for a half-hour or for a day? Is it the unwavering and non-judgmental loyalty? Is it the desire humans and pet companions have to nurture another? Yes, it is all of the above.

Each year, millions of people bring pet companions into their lives and households, while others simply acquire domestic animals. We who acquire them decide the role they will play in our lives and our homes, and to deny them the love and companionship they are so eager to share with us is unconscionable. Anyone who has seen an animal cower in fear or rejoice at the slightest attention knows that animals experience very real emotions.

Simply put, if you cannot devote hours each day as a caring companion and caregiver to a pet (medical care, grooming, exercise, feeding, etc.), please buy goldfish if you must have a pet. If security and protection is your first consideration, get an alarm system instead of sentencing a pet to a life of outdoor isolation. And if you work a full-time job but still want a pet, you must consider taking on the responsibility of two-pets who can keep each other company while you are away all day. You must consider what you will do when you travel and the implications of such things as the inevitable kennel cough when boarding animals. And “happy hour” with and frequent nights out with friends are a thing of the past. Think of it as having a child at home waiting for you, relying on you, and trusting you will be there for them.

Being a pet owner is a huge commitment that will last for years and incur great ongoing financial costs. And at the end of your pet’s life, you will need to be there to say a very painful goodbye to a precious family member. But the rewards often continue to surprise even experienced pet-owners. And when we lose them and know that, despite the pain of our loss, we would do it all over again; we can find comfort in the fact that we had the privilege of being their companion.

 

The Gift by John Pete

When we lose a loved one we are confronted with a life-changing event that forces us to accept that our lives will never be the same again. As a grief counselor, and someone who has experienced my own profound losses, I have read all the textbooks and witnessed the common stages of denial, anger and guilt, bargaining, depression, and the slow journey to true acceptance.

Anyone who has lost someone knows there is no other experience in life like losing a loved one. And at a time of volatile emotions, it is easy to be hurt and angered by those who do not understand what you are going through. However, there is another perspective to consider when experiencing these feelings; one that can bring you peace and healing.

Instead of directing anger at those around you who are trying to help but saying all the wrong things; or even those friends who have faded from our lives altogether simply because they do not know what to say, direct your anger where it can help you. It is okay to be angry that loved ones are suddenly gone and never coming back. And it’s okay to be angry that you are left to pick up the shattered remnants of remnants of your life, then expected to somehow magically piece them back together and move forward. However, directing anger at people around you will not help you. Instead, consider telling these people in person or in writing how you feel and what they can do to support you, then move on. This will allow you to direct your energy where it belongs - on your situation. And this in turn will help you to focus on working through your feelings and seeking the answers that will help you to cope and understand what your loss means to your life, which will lead you to a path of healing.

You may be feeling anger that you are soon expected to smile again, and to heal from something you can not imagine ever recovering from. And yet, we can truly be thankful for every single moment we had with our loved ones and reaffirm to ourselves that most of us would do it all again, even knowing the outcome. Renowned grief coach Aurora Winter (http://www.aurorawinter.com), says that this revelation was a turning point in her own healing, following the loss of her young husband.

There truly is a spiritual gift to be found within the insurmountable pain of loss, although it is a gift that is often difficult to accept. Consider that love has no boundaries in life or beyond, and we can never fully measure the depths of the bonds of love, unless we know what it is to lose it. And when we look beyond the confines of this life, we realize that life is temporal, and so is the pain that it brings. However love stays with us forever.

John Pete, GC-C,
Founder, MyGriefSpace.Net

“If you love someone set them free. If they come back to you, they are yours to keep. If they do not, it was never meant to be…”

Heavenly Signs from Our Loved Ones - Our Son Billy

HEAVENLY SIGNS FROM OUR LOVED ONES - OUR SON BILLY
(by Guy Dusseault)

Our story begins on June 27 2004 a beautiful Sunday morning at around 10:00 am, our lives changed forever. On that day we received the most devastating news any parent could ever receive, that one of their children has died. Our son, Billy was killed when his ATV he was riding at night hit a tree where Billy was killed instantly.For the next 8 months living was just trying to survive the next day, and for me personally, other than trying to survive I wanted to make contact with our son Billy. For me trying to make a connection with our son Billy was a natural next step, There was no questions about it. I had to find a way to connect with Billy, I had no idea how or if was possible, but some way or some how I was going to find a way no matter what anybody said or thought about it.  All that changed when my wife Jo-Anne asked if I would like to visit a spirit messenger named Vicki Monroe. That day was February 16 2005. Meeting with Vicki Monroe changed everything; we were able to make a connection with our son Billy for over an hour. Billy told us that he was happy, safe and healthy. Billy did no want us to worry about him, but for us to move ahead with our lives. Billy told us all about the accident and that his job here on earth was completed, that it was time to go ” home ” Heaven. 

Our story even gets more amazing, I remembered surfing the internet and reading about how our loved ones can give us signs that they are still near to us, one of the ways were through photographs. About 2 months after meeting with Vicki Monroe, I started taking photographs at random to see if anything would appear on camera. I began to receive signs from Billy right away in the form of “orbs” or sparks of light and streaking lights. I then began to keep a daily log of my photographs.

   

The day that I knew that this was going to be something special was August 20 2005, a few months into taking these type’s of photographs.  That’s the day that there were so many spirits, spirit orbs or sparks of light that I knew that this was more than just taking photographs for myself and that there had to be a purpose for me to be taking all of these pictures. If found out later on through Vicki Monroe that there was a reason, and that was to let others know that our loved ones are with us and that they try to let us know that they are here with us all be it in spirit form, ( you just have to keep an open mind).  The photographs that I have taken, have mostly be taken with two different types of digital cameras and the disposable cameras. I would at times have 3 camera’s on me, using one after the other to take as many photographs as I could.

 

One of the most exciting type of photos that we have are those of which some people call mist, smoky mist, or foggy mist but the term I like to use which is more accurate is called, Spirit Essence.  The photo’s that I have taken are pretty amazing, but the best part of this is that I can see this spirit essence as the flash is going off.  As soon as the flash goes off I can see where the spirit or spirits are.  They don’t always show up on camera, but I can see their location near to me for a second or two when the flash goes off, and they are more beautiful seeing them with the naked eye then on camera.  I can see their texture, color and size better then what appears on camera.  You can go to www.oursonbilly.com to view some of these photo’s, among them is  the October 21 2005 photo of the heart shaped moon with the spirit essence.

The last of the type of photographs which we have collected are my favorite which of course are the heart shaped photo’s. They can be of the moon, street lights and our Christmas tree lights.

I hadn’t noticed the heart shapes in our photographs at first.  It’s only when I was going over some of the photographs, while I was checking out a photo that I had taken on July 12 2005, I had zoomed in on a photo I had taken of an orb from our backyard when I noticed off to the left the street lights in the photo where in the shape of a heart. I thought wow, that’s really cool, so I started going over all of my photographs which had some type of light in them. I then came across the photos which had the moon in them, I was amazed when I came across photos of the moon in October of 2005. When I looked at a photo that was taken on October 21 2005, I was stunned at how perfect the heart shape was of the moon. That photo of the moon in a shape of a heart is my favorite of all the photographs that I have taken over the past 3 years because they are a signs from Billy sending us his love. Over the past 3 plus years we have collected around 400 of the heart shaped photos.  Over the past 3 plus years, we have collected about 35,000 spiritual photographs of different types. We continue to take these type of pictures and enjoy taking them and hope that you viewing enjoy them as well. We also have a new book out called Signs from Our Loved Ones. Everyone’s welcome to visit our website, read our complete story of our grief and of what helped us in our recovery, also view some of these amazing photographs at www.oursonbilly.com

Thank you,
Guy

Got Faith? by John Pete

WHAT IS FAITH, BY THE WAY? It’s a simple question, right? Maybe not… Faith can mean many things to many people, and whatever one’s personal beliefs, they should be respected as everyone’s journey is their own. This is reflected in our everyday life experiences, including grieving the loss of a loved one. And regardless of those beliefs, we all have the opportunity to comfort and support one another in the most important aspect of our lives – the here and the now.

Most of us have an inner faith of some sort, including the strong conviction by some that there is nothing beyond this life. And even this belief, as related to loss and grief, can provide comfort to the person who is grieving.

Following are some interesting excerpts of various societal definitions of faith.

 

Source: Dictionary.Com: 1. Confidence or trust in a person or thing: faith in another’s ability. 2. belief that is not based on proof: He had faith that the hypothesis would be substantiated by fact.

 

Source: New Catholic Encyclopedia: An assent of the mind to the truth of some proposition of the word of another, God or man. Divine faith is therefore the holding of some truth as absolutely certain because God, Who can neither deceive nor be deceived, has spoken it. Without faith no man can be saved.

 

Source: Manual of Buddhist Terms and Doctrines (Nyanntiloka): A Buddhist’s faith is not in conflict with the spirit of inquiry, and “doubt about dubitable things” is admitted and inquiry into them is encouraged. The ‘faculty of faith’ should be balanced with that of wisdom. Through wisdom and understanding, faith becomes an inner certainty and firm conviction based on one’s own experience.

 

Source: Martin Luther (Luther’s German Bible of 1522): Faith cannot help doing good works constantly. It doesn’t stop to ask if good works ought to be done, but before anyone asks, it already has done them and continues to do them without ceasing.  Anyone who does not do good works in this manner is an unbeliever.  He stumbles around and looks for faith and good works, even though he does not know what faith or good works are. Yet he gossips and chatters about faith and good works with many words.

 

Source: Kabbalah (Luther’s German Bibleof 1522): Faith (Emuna) is the quality of bestowal, which enables you to see a different world. It’s a different sense of perception, where you perceive outside of yourself, above your personal calculations. This is the reason why people who have faith change completely. On the other hand, you are defining faith as believing in something somebody said. In other words, you believe that what you heard is a fact. Since it is a science, Kabbalah denies such an approach. In Kabbalah, you accept something in order to test it yourself. To acquire faith means to acquire a screen, the ability to feel, define, and measure sensations that are tuned to bestowal and love.

 

For those who believe that there is simply nothing more when we die, may find comfort in the thought of non-existence with no more physical or emotional pain or daily struggles. And those who believe in a creator often use their faith as a basis of sustenance in the face of personal human adversity and a reason for the ‘here and now,’ which gives hope for eternal evolution as spiritual beings.

 

John Pete, GC-C, is a Certified Grief Counselor and Founder of www.MyGriefSpace.Net

The Cookie Jar by John Pete

When I was about 23-years old I was visiting my grandparents on the farm where they lived in Texas, and my grandmother, with whom I had always been especially close, took me aside and asked me if there was something special I would like from her personal belongings to remember her by when she died. I was a somewhat taken aback by the mere thought or possiblity of her dying - ever, but I knew the answer to her question immediately - The Cookie Jar. My grandmother had a “smiling bear cub” cookie jar with a green old-fashined “cap” for a lid on the kitcher counter for as far back into my childhood as I could remember. And it was always filled with homemade or store bought cookies, candy or other delicious treats.

That uncomplicated time early in my life is a much cherished era, and I have always felt a special bond between grandma’s cookie jar and countless happy childhood memories spent with my grandparents. So I was pleasantly surprised as I packed to return home the next morning, when my grandmother boxed up the cookie jar and handed it to me, saying she wanted me to have it now while she was still alive. I didn’t protest too much, and still cherish Grandma’s cookie jar to this very day, over 20-years later. 

Oftentimes late at night, from my early childhood to late teen years, after everyone had gone to bed, Grandma would bring out her secret stash of cookies or other goodies from the cookie jar with a clever smile as if we were sharing a special secret, then she would share riveting stories steeped in superstition and old family traditions as we snuggled up together to watch old movies, often until she nodded off next to me. Then one night when I was about 17-years old my grandma took my hand and said “Juanito” as she often called me, “I am getting old now, but I am not afraid to die.” Then she quickly added, “But I will let you know I am okay when I die.” And even then I knew she had spoken these words for my sake more than her own; to offer me words of comfort for what was to be inevitable. And that was that. If she said it, I believed without question that it was true. It was that simple.   

In 1989 my beloved grandmother passed away after a series of strokes and complications due to diabetes. And for as long as I live I will remember every detail of that day… My grandmother lookingso peaceful and looking so much younger in the casket than her seventy-years. I remember the hearbreaking scene when my grandfather broke down at the sight of her lying in state. And I remember the long drive to the small country cemetery in Texas where she is buried, and the most beautiful sky I have ever seen streaked with brilliant hues of orange and red and yellow and turquoise blue, following a brief spring rainshower. And I remember the familial unity as our clan gathered to say a heartbreaking goodbye to our much loved family member.  

Soon after the burial I flew home feeling and deep empty sadness that went beyond anything I had ever felt before. Since I was in the process of moving into a new house with two roommates, things were a bit hectic and yet I felt as if I was going through the motions of daily life, devoid of any happiness.

Then late one night, a few days after returning from trhe funeral, I carefully unpacked Grandma’s special cookie jar at my new home and placed it in a safe spot atop the refrigerator, and as almost as an afterthought I said “goodnight grandma” and turned to leave the room. Almost instantly the kitchen lights went completely off for two or three seconds, then came back on and I felt a kind of energy surrounding where I was standing. After a few moments of surprise and exhiliration, I loud woke up my roommates - and probably several neighbors, as well as I excitedly recanted my grandmother’s promise and what had just occurred. I knew instantly and without doubt that my dear grandmother had kept her promise to let me know she was okay from the other side, just as she told me she would years before.

Even today, all these years later, I sometimes feel my grandmother nearby when I smell the sweet scent of her flowery perfume from out of nowhere, or hear the welcome echos of stories from long ago nudging into my thoughts. And in response, I have comefully understand and appreciate the words spoken by St. John, who said, “He whom we love and lose is no longer where he was before. He is now wherever we are.” 

Rest in peace, Grandma. I look forward to a joyous reunion one day.

 

John Pete, GC-C, is a Certified Grief Counselor and Founder of www.MyGriefSpace.Net

I Believe

By John Pete –

I believe I will see my loved ones again and it is that, among other things, which allows me to heal and gives me the courage to journey forward.

I believe there is a profound reason for life and death, perhaps purposely beyond our understanding.

I believe that moving forward is about creating opportunities for spiritual growth, and not just going through the motions of another day.

I believe that life’s events are a classroom, and not some meaningless cosmic joke.

I believe that love is profoundly connected to the meaning of life, and not just an empty phenomenon that rewards us with great joy, only to take it away with much pain .

I have to believe. For without believing, each passing day serves only to take me ever-further away from my loved ones; instead of leading me on an incredible journey back to them.

Yes, I believe.

 

John Pete, GC-C, is a Certified Grief Counselor and Founder of www.MyGriefSpace.Net

Evolution of the Soul

By John Pete — I have often encountered people who question the purpose of life, especially following a sad loss in their lives. As a spiritual person I too have questioned our purpose and the existence of God and why bad things happen. And as everyone must, I have come to many of my own conclusions based on my personal experiences, and sometimes the experiences of others.

The answer for me is about gathering. From the beginning of our lives, we are filling a metaphorical basket with all the good and bad things we encounter in life; things that we carry with us, or discard along the way. As our experiences make us wiser, we begin to discard more and more of the negative things in our basket and focus on gathering those that are good and nurturing. In the end, the things which we have chosen to gather and keep with us become a reflection of who we are, who we have become as a spiritual beings.

At the end of our days, I believe, we will take with us that which we have gathered as we continue the evolution of our souls, much like a butterfly emerging from its cocoon.

Gathering the things that nurture our spirits is what we can all strive for every day of our journey on this earth. The real question is, can you be happy with what you have gathered when this life is over and you rejoin your loved ones? As spiritual beings, these soulful reflections can show us who we will be when we leave this life behind for the next.

 

John Pete, GC-C, is a Certified Grief Counselor and Founder of www.MyGriefSpace.Net

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